| ஒத்திசைவு | प्रत्याह्वय | resonance |

This is not necessarily a commentary on the current affairs, namely – the narrative wail that: ‘Sengol/Chengol/Scepter handing over ceremony in 1947 is/was feudal, despicably anti-progressive, unacceptable & anyway, was totally fabricated…’

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Ma: Dei Ramaswamy… Come here, I want to show you how your Appa looked like in an old photo… come, come…

LeLi: Oh come on, amma – am tired and sick of your nostalgia; you are always loopy and narrate the same story a gazillion times. In any case, how can I be sure that he was indeed my appa?

Ma: What? Have you gone mad or what?

LeLi: What what?? It is you – who is senile and downing tablets forever counting your days, not ME! It is YOU who is nuts…

Ma: Ayyo! It is my karma. All purva-janma papa. That, I have to listen to all this!

LeLi: See, I only have high sugar, high BP, high hypertension, deafness, NDTV, TheHindu, dravidianism, liberalism & youtube channel subscriptions. Otherwise I am fine. Look at you, you can’t even walk. You wobble & waddle like a duck.

Ma: Ishvara! You should take care of yourself, you are also ageing. In any case, I hope to die before you… Hope Sri Rama blesses me with your long & healthy life…

LeLi. Enough of advice and sentimental maudlin nonsense, you take care of yourself first… But, you can’t even do that…

Ma: True, I should… Agree that this argument started only because I wanted to show you a photo of the wedding day of your father and I. I am really sorry about it…

LeLi: I have seen it umpteen times, am sick and tired of the whole thing! You start the WHOLE thing and then apply reverse gear! How am I to cope with this?

Ma: You know, we got married in 1947, the day of Indian independence? The photo is the proof of it. We had both pinned the Indian flag to our kalyana-dress, see see…

LeLi: Look, don’t get me started AGAIN! Photos can be photoshopped. Understand some technology at least!

Ma: What? What is that? We never shopped or anything. In those days there were only local Nadar provision shops… what are you saying!?

LeLi: For you ‘WhatsApp University’ people, nothing can be taught. I should have known better than to have a mother like you…

Ma: Dei… Just look at this photo… you know, your appa wore the flag upside down and I had to discreetly correct him, heh heh…

LeLi: What HEH HEH! What is the PROOF that he was MY dad? Some old pig-eared grainy photo? What the hell!

Ma: Ayyo, Deivameh! Isvara! What has happened to my Son, is he feverish?

LeLi: No. I am not running temperature. But am angry that, there is NO proof that he was my real Appa, my truthful biological father – though you were indeed my Amma, perhaps…

Ma: Ayyo! What happened to my son today? How can you demand proof for this! Don’t you have any sense of shame?

LeLi: Why not? We scientifically minded people, only believe-in those things based on evidence…

…

…

Ma: Here is the old yellow-pink wedding invitation; you know, the wedding happened in Pazhani? Before and after Kalyanam we prayed to Bhagawan Muruga… Gnyana panditha he is…

LeLi: What is this stupid piece of crazy shit?! Even this can be photoshopped! Bah!!

Ma: What is this shop you keep talking about…I  don’t understand!

LeLi: It is my misfortune that I have a mother who doesn’t understand the basics of Technology. See Amma, what is the proof that HE was my bloody Appa??

Ma: What proof can I give, I used to wear a Mangalya Sutra, and that is there in the Almirah somewhere… Good that your Appa passed away many years ago! He doesn’t have to listen to all this … kashta kaalam… what to do…

LeLi: How can your thaali or mangalyam be a proof for my biological father?

Ma: What? May be I can ask my brother and tell you his personal experience of the wedding, its details etc? Hope he remembers, he has Alzheimers…

LeLi: No. We nitpicking & dazzlingly brilliant people do not operate based on mere anecdotal evidence…

Ma: May be, I can give you a testimony from the Sastrigal who conducted our wedding rituals? Fortunately he is still alive & taking care of himself in our ancestral village near Gobichettypalayam – his sons have all passed away, and grandchildren are all well-settled in america, canada and australia…

LeLi: How many times should I tell you – how can a simpleton crossbelt kudumi be a proof! That too to scientifically determine my parentage? That too after so many years?

Amma: Oh no… How am I EVER going to convince my own son that he is indeed my own son! I can’t even cry because… …

LeLi: Look here Amma, I am saying this for the last time… I want to know the correct details of my real, biological father, not someone I have merely been told is my father without any evidence whatsoever… the days of meaningless traditions and superstitions are over… I need solid, clear & independently verifiable proofs for the following:

1. DNA certificate (from an internationally accepted labs) to prove that my ‘father’ was actually born of his parents, to claim a certain lineage (one has to do a thorough job, you see…)

2. Photo IDs of them – along with proofs of residence.

3. DNA certificates of yours and that of my ‘father.’

4. If DNA certificates can’t be given (see, I am quite a reasonable man…) then:

 a. Sworn affidavits from other people who have actually seen you and your ‘partner’ getting into the bedroom together & leaving it, assuming that there was no one else already in that room. I would also need circumstantial evidence for the presence of those other people, mind you.

b. Your menstrual cycles mapping based on my date of birth to arrive at a date of conception that should correlate to the above affidavits. (Oh my GOD! I remember that my own Birth Certificate did not exist then, so may be my entire birth has been faked!)

c. … …

Amma: Ayyo! Kadavule! I never thought I would live to hear this (cries, almost faints, falls down)

LeLi: What? You do not want to argue and represent your case systematically and with tangible evidence!? Can’t believe that you are MY Amma! Bah! May be you were my surrogate mother or what??

Amma: Please s t o p… what has got into you, Dei!?

LeLi: Nothing. I am my usual self – that is – normal, thinking, rational, progressive, secular self – full of scientific temper & immense love for Jawaharlal Nehru, his grace, his dazzling brilliance & his everything else…

Okay, I will give you chance to redeem yourself from your stinking Hinduism and stupidity repackaged shit called Sanatana Dharma, though I am really sick of your shenanigans… 

But I want to redeem you from your superstitions, brahminical patriarchy and self-hating misogyny… Here’s a 1 Re coin – am going to toss it.

If it is heads, then I will convert to Christianity.

If it is not and is tails – I would convert to Islam.

Amma: I s h v a   r  a    aaaaaaaa…

(curls up and dies instantly)

LeLi: Good riddance. Now, let me toss my coin anyway…

END

(of everything…)