Rahul Van Winkle: The Story

July 22, 2018

The Original, Hole Story (even ass, the drama unfolds…)

As it happened. Honestly, truly and verily.

Comprising a Prelude and Six acts. Kindly fasten your seat belts.

Prelude
A Voice(+Make)over

Rahul is an ex-youth, and has been busy neck deep, in making money left, liberal and right by means foul and ghoul, as men of his age and parentage do – Heralding the arrival in the National scene. At least notionally.

Though he belongs to the First estate (Papal, from momma’s side – from which his famed Pappudom is perhaps derived) and to the Second Estate (Nehru family nobility), he is hankering after the Fourth Estate (media thugs in support cast) and Real Estate (National Herald properties, for example) too.

He has a zillion Durbar slaves (otherwise known as the Intelligentsia, Public Intellectuals and assorted Sycophants), Courtesans and Eunuchs (his personal servants in the Party and Media) supporting and propping him up, no harem done though.

Always a mindblowing man, that too high on mind altering drugs – he is a man to watch out for – for his incredible theatrics, dicktion and antics. Watch the many hats that he wears in our theater promo above. Scream in extreme happiness.

He is a man in a hurry, because he has many a skeleton to bury.

He is out on bail, though just round the corner, the jail does patiently wait.

He wants to be hugely successful, but is merely hugly successful.

Yeah, he has ALL the relevant Cretintials. Thanks!

…But, would he LEAD the nation, like his ancestors did? Would the heathens and pagans endorse him?

These are but a few billion dollar questions, but then, only his Overseas banks can answer them.

Anyway.

The Melodrama

(F)act #1

Rahul van Winkle was an illiterate, unemployable wayward youth who was jobless, of course.

But he had the grand lineage of forefathers and mothers who were ruling the Nation from the times of Emperor Nehru II, for some 50 years or so. Therefore he became a thoroughly spoilt youth with a bloated and arrogant sense of entitlement.

He was a Prince, dammit.

As a splendidly entitled youth, and like many others of his ilk, he naturally lived off his parents’ wealth. And his parents of course, in turn lived off the Nation’s wealth. So did ALL his relatives & retinue, rather immodestly. The whole superset of Durbari Slaves and Eunuchs who were self-serving the interests of the lineage, and who were at its beck & call, also lived off the wealth of the Nation. That is, over and above the crumbs and leftovers from the Family Royale.

Because of such abysmally positive attributes, normally he must have been completely written off; but, because he belonged to the grand lineage, he was instead, completely underwritten by his party – which anyway was making merry (& and had a little lump, because of guilt? Ha, NO!) while all the normal people of India were asked to ‘eat cake.’

He was in general, given to getting trained in humongous bouts of sleep (so much so that, he can sleep with his eyes wide open, RipOff Van Winkle that he was) and foreign travel, probably because of his applied research interests in psychotropic drugs, across the world.

Because of his such highly academic and high-value research, he was not able to pay attention to the details of governing the estate of the Family Royale – meaning, India. Really sad. Obviously, he was not performing the duties expected of the grand lineage.

His mother, the Queen Regent also was getting uneasy because of her advancing age and the menace of fast approaching jail terms. Though the Dowager Queen came from a lineage of selfless freedom fighting Italian nationals (who fought valiantly for the freedom of cash from the pockets of Indian nationals) she was also getting tired of her foreign connections; because Indians gladly accepted only Turks, Mongols, French and Brits as their rulers, but never has an Italian job has been accepted for the top position.

This was quite a bummer, but then the Family Royale had another opening – a Posterior Opening at that! Ass, you like it?

Suspense, suspense…

(F)act #2

Oh, we forgot.

Flashback.

There was also a PrinCess. She tried her best. But, she couldn’t rise to the avocation of the Family Royale. A small hitch. Vadra does it matter.

Her spouse, the hitch – who had specialized in snitch, had even made it really big, thanks to his heavy taxes on the Indian population. He was a third rater, focused primarily on Real Estate. Not on the first and fourth estates.

The PrinCess was a smarter women. She decided to rest content with being a mere puppeteer, having been tutored by the Queen Regent herself.

With enormous amounts and lengths of strings. And with bundles of currencies. Silly, don’t ask questions. The Family Royale owns the Indian Treasury. Stupid.

Anyway.

She became in-charge of backroom maneuvers. She decided to be the Queen Regnant. Thanks.

(F)act #3

Flash forward to Eunuchs and Courtesans. And, to the Dowager Queen and the Queen Regnant.

Now was the question of as to who would become THE Emperor of the Colony – India.

Now, no one ELSE from the regional Satraps or their families could even dream of becoming the Emperor, leave alone becoming the Prince.

This is because the Kingdom of Congress is owned by the Family Royale, dammit.

And, the Kingdom swears by Democracy, Elections and assorted Showbiz, you idiots.

So, TINA but to champagne for the young and promessing Prince.

Realizing this gambit which actually is a time-tested approach, many Eunuchs and Courtesans of the Family Royale started hassling the reluctant prince, and begged him to wear the mantle of the Emperor of the estate.

Now, unfortunately, the youth was barely 48 years young.

He had NO experience in statecraft, or for that matter, any craft. He only had recourse to a rather crafty Regent Mother, the Dowager Queen.

The Prince, then realized that, with his team of experienced Eunuchs and Courtesans (who were trusted by the Queen Regent), there is no harem in trying to wear the mantle.

So, he tested the waters. He made some tentative advances – tried various costumes, melodramas, hubris, roadshows and what not; and got scalded and scolded in the process of some war campaigns in some regions of the Nation.

Though he had efficient media management, thanks to the strategically positioned Courtesans & Eunuchs – his regional satraps were not made of great stuff.

Definitely not like the stuff that he used to regularly smoking. Also, his army consisted of paid trolls. Hence, increasingly more and more regions came under enemy control.

So, the Prince was left with only enema control. However, he was adept at the art of Posterior Hole management, He has had enough practice with his retinue of Eunuchs.

(F)act #4

So, it came to pass that the Prince had to be anointed, and that India be shown its place. An elaborate script was written for prepping him to become the next Emperor and claim his legitimate birthright – his family property, the Indian Nation.

The date was fixed. The event was managed. It was the ‘No confidence motion’ against the current Government headed by Modi – the Prince’s arch nemesis.The Prince’s coming of age ceremony had to performed with aplomb, 3rd-page pageantry and pomp. He had to perform or perish.

He practiced and practiced, but since he was always in high spirits, any spirited effort from his side could only be natural; his Eunuchs and Courtesans agreed with glee.

He practiced his oratory, he practiced his hand gestures, he worked on his Hindi, he rehearsed, slogged. And slogged. And, really slogged. You must have already understood that the attitude of working hard does not come naturally to his High-Handedness. But he really did, this time.

His Eunuchs and Courtesans were all ready with their reactions, tweets, laudatory comments etc. It is not for nothing that dogs are regularly fed bones. They need their reward too for the services rendered. It is secular socialism, dammit.

So.

Rahul had to perform for just 3-4 minutes and do the acts. The Eunuch force had already agreed to take the cue and were ready with their two-bit journalism takes.

(F)act #5

Dday.

Rahul woke from his slumber as usual. Full of induced euphoria and so full of himself.

He did his speech act; it was perfect, as practiced. All the Eunuchs had already sent their first series of tweets and journalistic messages – heralding the ‘coming of age’ of the Prince.

Now the Prince became sensitive about the rather tight Huggies diapers that he was wearing – which was a prompt/cue for him to do the next act.So, he remembered that – and also did his ‘spontaneous’ hugging act well, and surprised the Huggee. All was well. Jadoo, Jhappi and all that.

The Eunuch gang was delirious with happiness with all these developments and sent their second tranche of accolades, showering the Prince with rose petals… The WHOLE world rejoiced with them. Everyone was happy.

(F)act #6

The Prince should have stuck to the script. But he was immature as usual. He went overboard and was so elated with himself.

He went back to his seat in happy and bouncy strides – and then gave one ‘knowing’ wink to his friend – a fellow Princeling.

Unfortunately for the Prince, now everyone knew that the whole thing – acts and speeches and hubris – were ALL only an elaborate DRAMA.

CURTAINS

PostScriptum:

Eunuchs and Courtesans continued to do what they were/are good at doing – namely sending hosannas heavenwards on behalf of the Prince. And, deriding Hindutva and Modi.

So, nothing changed really. Except for Rahul Van Winkle.

A simple wink cost him the credibility and honesty of purpose. Good show.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Rahul Van Winkle is the BEST campaign manager, Narendra Modi & BJP could have.

Good show, Prince. Encore, encore

Amen.

5 Responses to “Rahul Van Winkle: The Story”

  1. Vignaani Says:

    Trusting that you kind self will not object, I have been quoting excerpts from your posts in my FB or Whatsapp posts. Depending on the length of the portion, original source may be mentioned. this is for your kind information. No critiquing or judging of any substance, behind your back. I have reproduced a para from this post too. We know that You do not Follow FB: all the same, for info: my FB Id is Madhavan Sekhar.


    • Sir, there is nothing for me to object. All content and discontent in this blog are free. No copyright or even copyleft whatsoever. You do NOT have to even attribute anything to me. So no issues with critiquing or judging, Please relax.

      __r.

  2. அ.சேஷகிரி Says:

    நான் உங்கள் பதிவுகளை மற்ற சமூக தளங்களில் பதிவதற்கு உங்களிடம் அனுமதி கேட்கவேண்டும் என்று நினைத்திருந்த நேரத்தில் திரு.விஞ்ஞானி அவர்களுக்கு அனுமதி கொடுத்திருக்கிறீர்கள்.இந்த அனுமதியை நானும் பயன்படுத்தி கொள்ளலாமா?


    • ஐயா சேஷகிரி, ஒரு அனுமதியும் தேவையேயில்லை. தாராளமாக உபயோகப் படுத்திக்கொள்ளவும்.

      ஒத்திசைவு பதிவுகளுக்கு ஒரு மசுத்துக்கும் காப்புரிமை கீப்புரிமை என்றெல்லாம் இல்லை.

      அப்படியே கட்-பேஸ்ட் பண்ணிக்கொள்ளவும். இங்கிருந்துதான் எடுத்தது எனச் சொல்லக்கூடவேண்டாம். No need for attribution either, Major Sunderarajan adds.

      என்ன, ஆதாரசுருதிக் கருத்துகளை முடிந்த வரை திரிக்காமல் இருந்தால்போதும் – அப்படித் திரிக்க நேர்ந்தால், சர்வநிச்சயமாக என் பெயரைக் குறிப்பிடாமல் இருந்தால் உத்தமம்.

      என் திராவிட எதிர்க் கட்டுரைகளைத்(!) தொகுத்து, ஈ-புத்தகமாகவோ வேறெதோ எழவாகவோ பதிப்பிக்க ஒரு ஆசாமி பர்மிஷன் கேட்டிருந்தார். அதற்கும் இதே பதில்தான்.

      இணையவெளியில் ஒரு விஷயம் வெளிவந்துவிட்டால், அதற்கு காப்புரிமை எனவெல்லாம் கொண்டாடமுடியாது. ஆனால், நான் எங்கிருந்தாவது எதையாவது எடுத்தால், கண்டிப்பாக அதனைக் குறிப்பிடுவேன். கமுக்கமிருக்காது.

      நன்றி.

  3. gopalasamy Says:

    Rahul van Winkle played a perfect text book shot. The bowler was his friend in TTP. The ball went high up to the sky. Cheer girls already started dancing not bothering about the dress gone down. but finally it landed in co prince hands. OUT !!
    kaancha maadu kambile vilundhadhu maadhiri, one special jappy.

    Rahul van Winkle can act in Tamilpadam 3.0 as one of hero’s friends.


மேற்கண்ட பதிவு (அல்லது பின்னூட்டங்கள்) குறித்து (விருப்பமிருந்தால்) உரையாடலாமே...

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