(…before some #D lapdog comes running around pitifully whining & wailing that this post is, in poor-taste-as-usual & is actually a grave mistake – well, I can only say in self-offence that, I did not write it.

In fact, ChatGPT wrote it for me. Honestly. No kidding.

Also, I did not even have to write a labored prompt to elicit this response – fact is that, #DravidianModel is of course world-famous (don’t we all know that?) and the staggering volumes of trainable-data and labelled information that is available on the model is indeed the world’s BIGGEST LLM – Large Language Model!

So, it is no wonder – even when I was merely asking for ‘ideas to beautify the Marina beach of Chennai‘ – the generative AI could give me a massive dissertation on it, worth multiple PhDs!!!)

Anyway.

Being obsessed with computations and also somewhat of a lapsed school teacher, I keep doing these kinds of back-of-the-envelope calculations, to mainly amuse myself – but also to annoy others.

So. Let us systematically explore the idea & raise some reasonable questions, considering the fact that, all of us have to eventually move on.

(and of course, thank heavens, it is a comfortable feeling that the current Dravidian scum will naturally die like the rest of us – but sadly, bloody mean scoundrels that they are, their DNA of looting, rape & murders will get passed on to their progeny, oh what to do…)

Okay. This dissertation has two major sections:

• Computation of the ‘available’ area/space, that can be encroached by the Dravidian cockroaches on the Marina beach & estimation of time based on reasonable assumptions
• Recommendations of how best to fill it up, so that the pitiable agony of the poor Tamils of Bharat isn’t a prolonged affair

My fervent hope behind this quality & evidunce baked thesis is that, indeed, Tamilnadu’s Chennai should become the de-facto #DravidianModel Grave-Capital of the world!

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Determining the available area:

The stretch of the world-famous #DravidianModel Marina beach from the ‘Nile of India’ Cooum River to the Lighthouse in Santhome (which is actually a Christian encroachment built over razed Hindu spaces in Mylapore) is approximately 3.5 km (or 3,500 meters) long and several hundred meters wide, on an average.

However, only a narrow portion along the main road has been typically used for the existing tombs/memorials. Of course, one cannot say how the grave future of TN would pan out, but let us assume that the hoary Sangam Age traditions would hopefully continue…

So. Assuming the usable width for memorials is around 50 meters (since the actual sandy beach cannot be used, or so the fiction goes), the available space is:

3,500 m × 50 m = 175,000 m²

Of course we are assuming that existing eyesore of tombs of long-dead Dravidian honchos is excluded from this compute.

Space needed per burial-memorial:

The existing four gaudy & obnoxious memorials (for C.N. Annadurai, M.G. Ramachandran, J. Jayalalithaa, and one M. Karunanidhi) occupy large areas, of course we all know that.

Each of these memorials takes up approximately 5,000 to 10,000 m² including pathways and landscaping nonsense, including sufficient space for reverentially/rationally keeping Thayir-Vadai (dahi-vada) every freaking day for the supposed consumption of M Karunanidhi. DMK of course doesn’t believe in superstitions, don’t we all know that?

Anyway, assuming an average of 7,500 m² occupation-area per memorial, the number of possible, remnant squatter memorials is:

175,000 ÷ 7,500 = 23 (approximately )

Estimating the time to fill up:

Dravidian leaders are generally DMK political leaders of Tamil Nadu, and new burials, given the currently prevalent Tamil epidemic #DravidianModel, can occur only when a prominent DMK leader passes away.

If we assume an average interval of one senior DMK dynast (primarily from the Karunanidhi-Stalin dynasty) leader per 10 years, then the time required to fill up all 23 spaces is:

23 × 10 = 230 years!

And then, the poor Chennai-ites will have to anxiously wait for Chitrinba Nidhi -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> -> …Karunanidhi Stalin XXIII.

Of course, this estimate assumes uniform memorial sizes, and not too bad XXXXXXXLLLLL sized bodies (meaning DuraiMurugans), and a constant political pattern, which could change.

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But, 23 is still a very small number – and instead of prolonging the suspense and dragging it on for some 230 years, we should get it done with, in the next 30 years max.

Also, these EnvironMentals may become unmanageable, as also the perennial pests – the Hindutva Sanghis, leave alone certain elements of the activist Judiciary.

They may all gang-up & conspire to throw multiple spanners in to the works of Dravidian mausoleum infrastructure projects!

So, I think, in all fairness – considering the way things are, the current part-time DMK government of Tamilnadu, of the world-famous MK Stalin — should notify by a suitable GO (Gazetted Government Order) – dicklaring the whole beach, like wakf property – as a protected wtdf* property so that the memorializations can go on unhindered in an unhinged sort of way.

Also, space should be reserved in advance for the the following very well-deserved stalwart DMK & #DravidianModel politicos/proxies – who should be given their rightful privilege of being definitely buried there when their time comes, with major mausoleums raised over their grave – but not necessarily in that order – but just 23 slots are there, mind you…

1. Saidai Sadiq (or) Shivaji Krishnamoorthy (or) V Gopalsami ‘Vaiko’ (or) Nanjil Sampath (whoever is late, earlier)
2. Durai Murugan (or) Kadhir Anand
3. Jaffer Sadiq, the drug philanthropist
4. Santiago Martin ‘Lottery King,’ the lootery philanthropist
5. Vadivelu (or) one of the other clown stars like Kamal Haasan (or) Joseph Vijay
6. MK Stalin
7. EV Velu (or) Anitha Radhakrishnan (or) S Muthusami (or) RS Bharati
8. TR Baalu (or) TRB Rajaa
9. Jagatrakshakan (or) Senthil Balaji
10. Selvapperunthagai ‘Perunthogai’ (or) P Chidambaram
11. KN Nehru (or) I Periyasamy
12. K Ponmudi (or) Thangam Tennarasu
13. Udhayachandran (or) any other suitable DAS officer
14. Dayanidhi Moron
15. Thirumaavalavan (or) Andimuthu Raasaa ‘A Raja’
16. Udhayanidhi Stalin
17. PK Sekar Babu
18. M. Varadarajulu ‘MV Raja’ (or) Sabareesan
19. Ma Subramanian (or) Anbil Mahesh Poyyamozhi
20. Tiruchi Siva (or) KR Reghupathy (or) Raja Kannappan
21. K Veeramani (or) Suba Veerapandian
22. K Kanimozhi (or) KKSSR Ramachandran (or) MK Alagiri
23. Suki Sivam (or) N Ram (or) TM Krishna (or) Karthigaichelvan (or) PTR Palanivelrajan

<insert your favorite would-be #DravidianModel deadbody>

…but then, we can only start from Maamallapuram and work towards Chennai, okay? No prime real-estate burial ground in Chennai, get it?)

*WTDF = What the Dravidian Fuck

It is important that at least 1 million tonnes of concrete be poured over each of the graves, just in case, the aforesaid buried deadbodies try to wake-up like Zombies to continue to wreck havoc on the pathetic & pitiable people of Bharat…

The reason being: one can NEVER underestimate the capabilities of even the #Dravidian deadbodies…

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Fact is that, I can’t wait for the whole Marina to get filled up with tombs and mausoleums and memorials of various architectural types, shapes, sizes, colours and landscapes…

…so that, Tamilnadu TOPS the entire India, also in Tomb Tourism.

#DravidianModel For the Win!!!

YES!