It is not that yours-sincerely’s services are sought for, only in terms of giving ‘career suggestions’ or explaining the lay-of-the-land to the impressionable & adolescent kids (adolescents, their parents, ‘career’ choices, ‘counseling’ & life – some suggestions & notes May 7, 2022) – but sometimes it extends to giving some ‘encouragement’ [hic] to depressed kids – who for some reason or the other have ‘missed the academic bus’ – or at least currently have received a set-back to their plans.

These ‘misses’ include IIT-JEE and the like.

In many cases, I ‘know’ the parents or uncles (gotta love these sweet maternal uncles!) of such ‘temporarily depressed’ and sad kids – and through whom, the request comes to give a “balanced perspective to the kid, as an ‘uninvolved III party.'” (apparently these are some of the pleasures of old-age, of having gotten some experience in dealing with adolescent kids in formal & informal settings – and in all probability, mainly due to my rapidly advancing forehead real-estate & the cheerful willingness to blather away…)

I, of course believe in making prior/proper preparation while on such ill-advised advisory missions, and maintain a current-draft of my current master-list of points to chat with the ‘failed’ kids.

…which, for whatever they are worth (this year itself I have chatted with 5 such ‘failed’ cases, from April 2023!) – am sharing with the readers of the blog – but without any explanatory notes… (normally I would add lots of anecdotes & laboured puns, but it all depends on the ‘flow’ – and typically I use only a subset of the pointers/prompters)

(of course I don’t claim to be exhaustive or anything – but trust me, these experiences are exhausting… however, YMMV)

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Toolkit & some useful tools/ideas – nothing more nothing less. (Choose to use them, if at all, at your peril)

• (there is a great future ahead, worrying is very good, but consistently & meaningfully working around worries is even better)
• Consider it as an useful feedback (not necessarily as a failure) or opportunity for course correction or rerouting; don’t let emotions to overpower your judgement.
• Males-females; Father-mother; differences in perspectives (also overlapping) – survival and excellence in the outer world beyond family – sentiments, love, family welfare, emotions, finitiative mentality++
• Parents’ only major purpose (as per Science – Evolution) in their life is to see that their progeny become independent, useful and who carry-on with their same major purpose; they may be overbearing, but you are too.
• Don’t blame your anxious parents for your inadequacies. Once you are 15+ it is for you to take charge of your bloody life.
• You are a capable youngman/younglady – no genetic issues, but you may be temperamental and/or affected by environment etc & the like, but they can be worked around.
• “This too shall pass.”
• Suicide is not even an option; it is only for bloody lusers & cowards lacking backbone. Anyway, what is the point? Even if your reason(!) is ‘to teach a lesson to your parents’ if you kill yourself, you are not going to be around to gleefully ‘serves them right’ see them grieve, right? If one of your stupid friends/acquaintances commits suicide, you are not in any competition with him, right? In any case all of us, everyone of us is going to anyway die, without any fanfare; so relax. Live life when you can. I can put up with selfish fellers – not selfish idiots. Also, have you heard of ANY other mammal committing suicide? If you insist on continuing with the stupid thought – may be you should start walking barefoot, without money etc towards Kashi or Kailash because you are so sure of your destination. But then, mostly you would turnback before you cross your state borders, if at all! Good luck. [I had to use this set only once- and the girl-who-was-in-direstraits is still surviving, in fact thriving! – sometimes a swift kick in the butt works wonders! This approach is not for the fainthearted though – so do not use it, unless you know the kid VERY well and that too only when you can physically meet her/him across the table & is receptive! Caveat Emptor!!]
• We normally overreact to short term changes/surprises – and underestimate the long term effects of them; in general, it is good to have a balanced perspective; no irrational exuberance nor perennial sullenness and negative approaches.
• Don’t fret over the past – no need to get into over self-flagellation; look at the tangible learning(s) and move on.
• Don’t blame the ‘system’ because the system is also us – and we have the agency. And, you have supportive parents – otherwise you won’t be talking to me!
• Don’t blame the bad idea/implementations in terms of the ‘Reservations’ of Bharat. It is part of the ‘constraints’ – not a stumbling block. Work around it. Become an Entrepreneur and recognize ONLY merit. Become rich, productive and joyous. Contribute to the betterment of the System.
• Don’t be a Woke ‘leftist progressive’ etc, seeing conspiracies in everything – those stupid ideas are for lusers and whiners.
• Listen to others, most of them are well-meaning, but may not really be capable, and can’t be taken seriously all the time – but listen nonetheless. Try to understand – but you don’t have to agree.
• Filters are important – to pursue your med-long term interests.
• Take yourself seriously.
• Dont mop around. If you do, mafi nahin milega.
• Have great standards to live up to. IIT JEE is perhaps merely only one of them.
• Computer Science basics are good to have – but instead of being an yet-another mediocre CS guy or a below-average IT typist automaton, you can work with useful ideas.
• The world of chock-a-block full of ‘Engineers’ or ‘Technologists’ of various eminently wasteful kinds. Perhaps you don’t need to swell their ranks; instead demonstrate to me as to why you need to be an Engineer or something. If you are not serious about it, pick up useful Trades and excel in them and become rich too.
• Consider the fantastic course from IIT Madras for example – why not? [two kids have indeed signed up!]
• So what, if you can’t get into to the great IIMs or something – unless you want to become a CONsultant. (…erm, not really: “Some of my good friends are from IIM…”)
• I know of fantastic, real managers who can never make it to IIMs. Learn about causes and effects. Separate chaff from wheat; see apart the feckless degree brands from the actual content. (but I would gladly agree that those places are great for ‘networks’ which may help in future, may…)
• The world is full of ‘Managers.’ Instead, you may want to do something useful, credible, creative things – to feel proud of yourself.
• Don’t get into the asinine ‘gap year’ mode – to ‘discover oneself’ and/or ‘see the world where you can fit in’ and/or ‘travel-the-world’ at the cost of indulging-stupid parents and/or for ‘experiences’ underwritten by clueless parents seeking silver-bullets etc; it is for rich wastrels who would end up faffing anyway, so not for you; instead do things that are productive – like working with the local roadside mechanics, for example. Or being a swiggy delivery boy/girl. Earn your respect – especially your self-respect.
• Life is full of choices – treat this as another chance – but also remember “anything worth doing is, worth doing really well”
• Take one year as a given. (min) It may not be a waste; you may merely need some course-corrections, that’s all. But also remember – you have atleast 60-70 more years to live, relax.
• What are your goals? How can you move towards them – with focus, consistency, ‘getting up after falling down’ etc etc.
• Passion & Success – you know what you like, you do not need external stimuli or cues or advice to understand the kind of things that you like doing the most.
• Pursue your tech/learning interests vigorously – no time for meaningless frivolousness or for mopping
• 7Ps
• Self-reliance – the RW Emerson essay
• Robert Heinlein quote etc (in the post: a handout for my lovely learners… March 21, 2016)
• Promise yourself the best, because you deserve it.
• Vigorous physical activity – for one hour everyday – this is important to kickup the levels of useful harmones that would make you stay positive & energetic.
• Learn about your body – take useful pointers from Bill Bryson’s ‘the human’ and exploit them.
• Read Roopa Pai’s English version of the Bhagavad Gita – you can pick up some pointers
• Indulge in music of whatever kind – that would be great, if you could do it everyday.
• Posture – puff up your chest, don’t let your tummy overtake you – Dont bloody slouch.
• Regular, time-tabled habits
• Feel proud of yourself – inwards but you don’t need to flaunt it (am talking about self respect, restraint, reliance and the like)
• Develop useful skills – like estimation, probability computes, SD, normal curves etc etc.
• Very important to know where you stand in terms of academics – no need for delusions and uncalled-for opinions of grandeur nor for belittling oneself.
• Participate in household/societal chores – without being asked to
• Ration (minimally) ‘fun’ online time – get out of Insta & FB.
• Reduce wasters in the context of the availability of life, energy, intensity, time (everyone has the SAME of the last though!)
• Examine your hang-ups about your parents, their crazy English accent, their stupid old car etc – focus on yourself, your betterment, your future instead (your parents may not be around in 20-30 years, yeah?)
• Don’t be a fuckin’ entitled brat all the time. You are not unique. You are normal – and that should give you hope.
• Not ‘taking out your frustrations’ on things that do not deserve it – don’t bang the doors shut for example. (remember that at the moment, the doors are being more useful to you, work without complaints, patiently work etc – learn from the doors)
• Move towards man-maturity-responsibility – hormonal instincts can wait, there would be ample time for them
• Learn to respect money and assets – neither shoestring budget mode nor pointless extravagance.
• In the long run, unless you want to be a mere cog in whatever wheel – only quality and meaningfulness matter to your feelings of self-respect and self-reliance
• Don’t ever have feelings of self-sufficiency; it is merely a delicious myth.
• In the long run – only three things – Discipline, Will power & Imagination – matter.
• Plunge yourself into life. Take responsibility for yourself (of course your parents are there to support you now – you are lucky – but they will all die, including myself – sooner or later; you have to face the world, just like all our ancestors have faced or your progeny would)
• …
• …
• I know, now you are more upset with me than with yourself, which perhaps was the main point of this discussion, yeah?
• Get back to me anytime of day or night for ‘bouncing off ideas’ or if you are ‘stuck’ with something- am always available, but do your homework first.
• RTFM; don’t waste my time – there would be hell to pay otherwise. I do not gladly suffer fools & lazy bozos.

Good luck, it is truly a magical world – as Bill Watterson cheerfully agrees… yeah?

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